6th Form Girl
"Jesus some girls are annoying" I think is what this song is trying to say. Women in their 30's who act like teenagers. They have all the trappings of an older woman, the car, the job and the odd friends, but they just need a good kick up the arse.

Tony Lemurmer (56k Download 1.14Mb)
Relaxation CD's, or the people who churn out the unimaginative, over priced, good for nothing coasters.

Tony Lemurmer is a fictional character but is based on a guided meditation CD that was playing in a 'New Age' shop I happened to be in one day.

I spent less than 2 minutes making the intro, that’s how easy it is.

Mad Old Man
This is a true story about a man Fred met in New Zealand. He had a very woolly hat on and a Ginger cat for company. He said hello to Fred, and as Fred was a stranger this obviously made him mad.

The second verse is about dogs being rubbish and the third is about Anna Kornikova's bum, a subject Fred should have dedicated a whole song too perhaps.

Snickerloss
A true story about one lunchtime when Fred lost his snickers bar. What else can I say.

Music To Calm Ferrets By (56k Download 1.53Mb)
This was originally Al's Idea for the second Album Title but was soon dropped in favour of the current title. Still an idea worth writing a song about apparently

Limbless Assassin
The Tea Break Song. So Cheerful they had to give it a terrible name, a name you would associate more with a death metal band called Heroin Doughnut???

Twiate Shad
A tale about a little known fish and its fight for survival, Fred also manages to rhyme the word 'Eutrophication' a fact he is very proud of

Bag 'O' Salad
The little bag of salad you get with your take away curry, what is it for?

A short and futile existence really

Roydens Residents
Royden Park is a place in the Wirral where there are lots of Moles. Fred hopes this tale gives us all an insight into the life of a Mole.

There are also references to the kids TV series Danger Mouse and his sidekick Penfold who Fred thought was a Mole (he wears glasses) but apparently he's a Hamster.

The Moth Song
Surprisingly enough this is another song about rubbish animals. Al did something really weird to this song?

I'm Craven John
Country file is to Sunday mornings what Antiques Road show is to Sunday evenings. This song is really about Fred's love for such a ground breaking programme and his respect for John 'The Ladiez Man' Craven.

Spectrum
When Fred was young all he wanted was to be able to harness the power that was a Spectrum 48K. One day he finally got one and this song is about his many days spent in front of the thing. The intro is also a rip off of Spinal Taps 'Stonehenge'